Another (somewhat) depressing thought. (I'm sorry)

froggiepower

  I don't get how people think suicide is the only option. It isn't. It shouldn't even BE an option. It doesn't solve anything. You only manage to hurt everyone around you. This is one of the reason a friend (?) of mine don't get a long. I try to help her when she asks me to help but she doesn't listen. I told her it wasn't ever meant to be an option and she snapped, telling me I don't get it.

      I somewhat do. Like, I'm not suicidal, no. But some days I feel like she does, usually when my headaches get the worst and I feel the sickest. I think that yeah, I'm ready to be done with it, but I'm not going to go and just die before it's my time. 

     We both have plans for the future. I've heard her talk about hers and I talk about mine constantly. But she tried to throw it away, at least three times, two times I've helped her through. 

          I spent over an hour talking to her, trying to calm her down when she messaged me. She told me she was thinking about doing it again. I talked to her and talked her out of it. I notified her mother like I always do after this, and she's glad, until we fight and she makes me feel guilty because I helped her. She wants help but she doesn't? She still assumes I dont get it when I sort of do. 

     My brother was going to once, I called my mother who called the police as I tried to get the knife from him. The cops came, he was unharmed thank goodness, while my other brother was off somewhere else in the house. My mother, she's depressed often but never suicidal like me, maybe because we're both involved in the bible more. I don't know. 

           I just don't know what to do with her. I'm slowly giving up on her but yet I don't want to. Like all I ever do is get treated unfairly and she unleashes her pain on me if I help by managing to say the right things that bring out my weakness. But If I don't help her, I'm afraid no one else will and then she'll just...give up. I've tried talking to her. Helping her. But she doesn't get it. 

    This is a little odd but, I've written a few letters about her, just not directly to her, but I haven't given them to her. I fear it will only make the problem worse and then her death would be my fault. I mean I was once at fault for her thoughts around a few months ago. I should have felt guilty. I didn't then. But I do now because every time someone mentions that single "s" word, all my thoughts flood to her. 

        I try to pretend I don't care because if you do, nothing hurts as bad as it should. I pretend to not care and sometimes I actually do. I post here, not really expecting you guys to reply, I really don't. It's just one of the only places I can vent. If I didn't vent, i would explode over a nothing. And that sucks because that happened in school once and they thought I was crying over homework. Pfft.  

          I'm stronger than her but if she tried, she could be just as much. My reasons are different than hers, yes. We all have our problems and demons that we face. Any reason to die like that isn't good enough. It shouldn't be an option. 

             

froggiepower

Song in mind. Also:

iStella

I know for moms they really have no one to turn to but their duaghters, and I don't know what I would do if I turned on my mom and didn't help her, because then she would really feel alone and it would be my fault!

Thanks for sharing, I know at times it doesn't feel worth it, but when you look back you'll be happy you were there for the person when they needed you no matter what happens later!

froggiepower

@iStella  I know but she doesn't get it. Nothing that can harm you or anyone else should be kept secret. I think that's what she's not telling me. Perhaps that's why we fight. I think she might be mad that I keep telling.

HBforever

Aww, Frogie, I hate that all the terrible things are happening, and you shouldn't have to deal with this, and I hope you keep trying to help your friend. :) I will keep you, and your friends and family in my prayers! :)

froggiepower

@HBforever    Thank you and it's hard to keep helping her when all she does it push people away. I'll try though. We have a few classes together and hopefully we won't kill each other. :/ 

Awesome_Piper

This is a topic that many people don't get. They don't understand how anyone could think this way. 

You are doing the right thing by telling her mom. 

You said she wants help but doesn't..Now, obviously I don't know anything about your friend (aside from what you've told us), but  a lot of people are hesitant about seeking help as there's a lot of stigma surrounding mental health issues and getting help for them. 

It can be a scary thing for people to do. 

You are a good friend for sticking with her through this. It's probably really frustrating and frightening to be in that position though. 

Also, writing those letters is not odd at all. You can express your thoughts and feelings and that's a healthy way for you to cope with the situation. 

Things have been sounding quite stressful for you Frogie. 

Know we are here for you!

Stay well. 

TacoCat

This sounds terrible. I don't even know what I'd do in a situation like that, but you're doing great so far. Personally I can say that I know what it's like to want help but not at the same time, just not on that intense of a level. Usually for silly reasons like how my art looks oops lol. I just know that I'm unpredictable so that probably didn't help. I commend you for being able to go to her parents. It really is the right thing to do. I wish you luck in your situation! Stay well!

froggiepower

@Awesome_Piper  Thanks so much. That helps like ALOT. I'm going to try to talk to her again at school, preferably not in class since our talks are know to escalate. (besides, i get in trouble for talking enough as it is.) I might give her one of the letters if she doesn't listen cause I know she'll read it. I sent her a letter through text and she read it. Maybe she's like me and cant speak feelings out loud.

froggiepower

@TacoCat Thank you so much. 

Awesome_Piper

@frogiepower a letter sounds like a good idea. Then she could read it, think about it, and respond to it in her own time. Like, if you were to talk to her face face, she may feel pressured to answer or maybe uncomfortable. and like you said, maybe it'd be easier than talking about her feelings out loud.

froggiepower

@Awesome_Piper  Alright. I'll try it once schools starts. Thanks a bunch. You guys are amazing

Awesome_Piper

@frogiepower no problem. :)

ShiningTheLight

We probably shouldn't mention this but ok.